Made a wrong turn, once or twice, dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions, that's alright, welcome to my silly life.

It was two weeks ago today that I first started feeling sick.  For a while I figured it was just a cold or flu type virus, and if I just took lots of Dayquil/ Nyquil, got lots of rest, and drank plenty of water, that I would be fine in a few days.  However, when I was still running a fever on Saturday, Mom convinced me that I needed to go to the doctor.
I had been planning on skipping Angie's graduation party Saturday night, but in the end I changed my mind and decided to go even though I had a fever of 101.7.  It ended up being a lot of fun, and the advice of several people was proven right: Liquor cures everything.  More specifically, tequila cures everything.  I had a total of five shots and two tequila sunrises, and felt pretty good.  I also sang karaoke with Angie and Melanie.  Which is something I don't do.
I was really glad I went.  I would have regretted not going, and I had a blast hanging out.
Even if the next morning I woke up, still sick, with a wicked hangover.  Even though I did remember to take Advil and drink water before going to bed.  I had been halfway planning on calling out of work sick, but after going to the party I knew I wouldn't be able to go get away with that, so I drug my sick ass to work.  I actually didn't feel that bad - just hungover.  But as the hangover started to fade, I felt sicker again.  I made it through my shift, but barely.  I was working on the line, and every time I read a ticket, I felt like I had to read it once just to read the words, and then again to make any sense of it, and then it took me a second to translate that into actions.  It was bad.  Not to mention we were really busy.

When my shift was finally over, I decided enough was enough and I went to the doctor.  After waiting for what felt like forever, and having a strep test (even though I already knew I didn't have strep, because I've had strep way too many times for me not to know what it feels like), blood drawn, and a chest x-ray, they finally sent me home with a diagnosis of infection in my lung and prescriptions for antibiotics, steroids, and an inhaler.
This past week has been very long and stressful.  On top of being sick (although finally beginning to recover), we had a very busy week at work and I had to go in early and stay late every day on top of being stressed the whole time I was there.  Plus, I've been closing at Ridgeway two nights a week, and that is very stressful and difficult for me.  Tuesday was the first really busy day at work, and then I closed Ridgeway that night and did a really bad job.  I was already feeling bad about that when I went to work Wednesday morning, before Aaron told me that Chris had called and wanted me to call him when I got a chance so he could tell me what I'd done wrong the night before.  We had another busy day that day, and by that night I was emotionally completely overwhelmed.
I ended up being awake until about one in the morning having an emotional breakdown, writing in my journal, and posting on Twitter.

Thursday was equally busy, but we were more prepared for it so it went more smoothly.  I still wasn't feeling well though, was still coughing and wheezing, and still felt weak.  I think my close Thursday night was a little better, but I still don't feel like I did a good job, and I hate that I feel like I'm not doing a good job.

Friday I finally had a good day at work, and after work I went home and did nothing for the rest of the day but rest and watch Grey's Anatomy (which is on Netflix instant view, so I started over at season one, and once again I find myself immersed in the world of the surgical wing of Seattle Grace Hospital and the personal lives of Meredith, Izzie, Christina, George, Alex, Derek, Addison, Preston, Callie, and everyone else).  Saturday was my day off, and although I had every intention of getting some things accomplished, I actually did pretty much nothing except get all of my laundry done.  However, Saturday marked the first day that I could breathe without wheezing, and I finally don't feel bad, so I'm glad I've taken it easy the past few days.
Especially since I noticed that the wheezing and coughing got worse when I was stressed and/or tired.


In other news, my lease is up on my apartment in April, and if I sign a new lease by the 5th of February it will only go up $5/month (as opposed to $10/month if I wait).  I would like to move to a bigger apartment (mine is so small that I can't really rearrange my furniture because there aren't many ways it will fit - and I don't have that much furniture), but after doing a little bit of research, I remember why I moved into this complex in the first place: it's the only place in a decent area that I can afford.  Or at least almost afford, most months.
So I'm pretty sure I'm going to resign my lease and stay here for another year.  After which, I really hope to be in a better place financially.


I have a lot of things to worry about lately.  I would rather not list them all here, but suffice it to say that my mind has been sufficiently overwhelmed.  The past few days of relaxing have given me a bit of perspective, however, and I realize that when I try to think about too many things at once I end up freaking out and shutting down and actually accomplishing nothing at all.  My new philosophy is Baby Steps (like in What About Bob).  Instead of worrying about everything at once, I'm going to (try to) focus on one or two small things at a time, and fix those first.
Today, I filed my taxes.
Tomorrow, I need to clean my apartment.  I also need to make a maintenance request for my bathroom sink and my bathtub.

Long term, I need to go back to school, which will fix my problems at work by making work less important.  However, I know myself enough to know that right now I'm in a fairly fragile emotional state and instead of trying to fix it all, or do something big, I think first I need to do a few smaller things to build my confidence.


I've had three good days.  Friday, Saturday, and today.  Tomorrow is starting a new week, and to be honest, I don't know what to expect.  I have three doubles, and I'm scheduled 41 hours this week.  Hopefully, I will get through it.

I would catch a grenade for you.

I woke up this morning with a horrible sore throat and what I assumed was a fever (I lost my thermometer a couple of years ago, so I couldn't be sure), and discovered that I had depleted my medicinal supply the last time I was sick so I had to go to work feeling like crap.
After work I bought the essentials (Dayquil and Nyquil of course, plus a new thermometer and chloraseptic spray), and used two of my free Redbox codes to rent Easy A and Social Network. Since then, I've been perched on my couch with my snuggie.
Easy A was good, and now it's time for a TV break before Social Network.

I really hope I feel much better tomorrow, because it's my first day closing at Ridgeway. I'm really nervous about it, but I've already had my freak out about on Saturday night, so I think I'll be fine. I hope so anyway. (Plus, as long as I'm keeping this public, there is only so much I can say.)

I'm doing okay for the most part. I'm making a point to make better choices from here on out. So far I haven't done anything stupid in 2011 (and yes, I know it's only been 17 days).

I'm trying to be optimistic in general.


Also, IRC is back! Server: EsperNet Channel: #youthoftomorrow. It's been way to long since the days of YoT.

Post Created Jan 1, 2011 5:25:16 PM

Life is good right now, I think. I'm not really sure from week to week. I'm just taking everything one day at a time.
I'm trying to have enough money to pay my bills without needing help from Mom and Dad. I'm not really doing so well with that.

Work is...okay at the moment. Really, everything in my life seems kind of calm right now. Drama with friends is minimal. The people who are most important to me are happy right now. This makes me happy.

I finally watched Ramona and Beezus last night (thank you Redbox free movie codes) and thought it was awesome. So cute, so many people in it that I like, and it totally took me back to when I was little and rather obsessed with the books.

I'm still working on getting ringtones on my new phone. It's kind of a pain to have to download them to my computer in order to put them on my phone, but it is totally with it, because the iPhone makes it so much easier not to have Internet at home. I can even watch Netflix instant view.

I haven't been writing much lately. I think it's because for the most part things are going well and I don't feel the need to write. But also, I'm trying to stop overanalyzing everything so much. There was an "incident" about two months ago that scared me, and I decided that to try and figure out exactly why it happened would be more likely to send me into a tailspin than to actually solve anything, so I've just been working on living.